Your kitchen is a veritable cache of weaponry

The tone of the article is funny and it is entertaining to read, and yet very serious contentwise…

Via: The StarPhoenix

People are always asking me, “Chef Tony, if you are attacked in your kitchen by an intruder, what is the best utensil for self-defence?

I always tell them the same thing. I’m not a chef and my name isn’t Tony.

It so happens, however, that I do know something about the use of kitchen utensils for self-defence. When I empty the dishwasher, say, I always ask myself, “Would it be possible to kill someone with this?”

It’s not a question you want to be asking for the first time when a kitchen intruder comes at you. You might choose to defend yourself with something other than the optimal weapon. Bacon tongs, say. These are almost useless as a weapon, unless, of course, someone attacks you with a strip of hot, crispy bacon, in which case you might use the tongs to disarm him. Otherwise, bacon tongs are the second-worst weapon in the kitchen, right after the basting brush.

Of course, the weapon of choice for most experienced chefs is the large, all-purpose chef’s knife. That’s why they call it all-purpose. You can use it for slicing, chopping, hacking or stabbing.

Certainly, a knife is ideal for mincing fresh shallots or for trimming the fat off a rack of spring lamb, but is it the best weapon against one or more determined attackers who might themselves be armed with knives? I’m not so sure. For this kind of heavy-duty work, you’re better off with a meat cleaver, if you have one. What makes the meat cleaver so effective in the event of a home kitchen invasion is that the perpetrators almost always are made out of meat.

A better weapon still is the cast-iron skillet. It’s the kitchen equivalent of a medieval mace. A heavy, iron skillet can also deflect an opponent’s knife or even a small-calibre bullet, so it’s a shield as well as well as a blunt instrument. When you hear the gong-like peal of an iron skillet connecting with an intruder’s cranium, you know the fight is over.

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